Monday, May 6, 2013

Frustrating Times

Sometimes life is really frustrating.  Not just life, but parenting, in particular (for me, these days).  There are days when I think I'm not a great mother, not a good mom...Although I try my best, what if my best just isn't good enough?

While trying to sit here and prepare a post for today, I came up with nothing. Serious blogger's block.  I thought about just posting one of the many recipes that I have on hold (just haven't finished yet), but then decided against that (I didn't feel like finding the photos to go with).  So what did I do?  I surfed Pinterest, of course.  Did a little web hunt for some parenting inspiration.

Here's one I really liked:

As I sat here, looking at those words, thinking of how frustrated I am right now...Somehow these words spoke to me.  I heard them.  And I heard them crystal clear.  But still, I wondered: Are there going to be more moments of joy and satisfaction, or more hard times and frustrating times?

And then I found this quote by Thomas S. Monson:

"To you who are parents, I say, show love to your children. You know you love them, but make certain they know it as well. They are so precious. Let them know. "

This quote reminded me that, even though I may be mad and frustrated at times, I still need to let my kids know that I love them and care for them no matter how angry I am.  Anger passes.  I still love my kids, of course.  But just because I know I still love them, doesn't mean that I don't need to tell them in assurance.

If you have never been hated by your child you have never been a parent.  ~Bette Davis

There have been so many days lately where I just feel like I'm doing everything wrong, and nothing right.  This next one makes me feel a little bit better:

After reading that one, I remember that I can forgive myself.  Maybe sometimes I'm really way too hard on myself when I shouldn't be.  But it's really in my nature to be hard on myself.  It's a part of who I am.
  Just because I can forgive myself doesn't make it any easier when I think my child hates me, though.

Parenting...Who said it was gonna be easy?  I never once expected it to be, actually.  I always knew it would be a challenge, but I always thought I'd be up for the challenge.  I never thought that I would at one point feel like giving up on myself as a parent.

So in times of frustration and the thought of giving up on myself, I have to remind myself that it's going to be worth it.  It will be worth it.  And actually, it already is - I just have to think of some of those shining moments.  And then smile.

What helps you get through a rough day when you feel like giving up?


J said...

Since I am now a grandmother, I was once where you are now. And I had the same feelings of frustration and self doubt. It is a long time off for you, but what sometimes gets me through a rough day is remembering the comments my daughters now make to me. "Thank you for being a PARENT and not a 'friend'" they say..."For giving us enough freedom, but not too much"..."For always making sure we had THE BEST in areas where it matters." Remind yourself today, when it's hard, that someday your kids will be parents. And they will make comments to you about the way you parented them. As each challenge arises, think of how your reaction will be described years from now! Hope this helps! I think you're an excellent mom!

Amy Redd said...

I remember being terrified when I brought my daughter home from the hospital. I was 25 and knew NOTHING about babies. She's 5 now and I'm starting to realize the baby part was the easiest!

I feel like a horrible mother at least once a day! So you are not alone! But I think the fact that you question yourself and try to find solutions to be better makes you a good mom.

Areeba said...

I never knew that mums also think like that. They seem so calm like graceful seas. These quotes are amazing.
I eat a lot and drink something cold. It helps to heal a problem pinching your mind.

heidi said...

I'm having a problem with writers block too. Hope you have a great day.

Heidi’s Wanderings

Deganit Gannon said...

Being parents is the most importent, most dificult, complicated,sophisticated job in the world yet theres's no where to go and get a degree for it, or get any training. It is who you are and the strong sense of love and responsibility which will make you a good mom. You cannot be a good mom without making mistakes and there is no perfect mom in the world, never has been never will be. Avoid guilt felling as much as possible and do not ever forget yourself and your own well being. Your kids need you as happy as can be. Remember that you are not alone. Smile and have a great day
a mother of 3 and a grandmother of 6

Darlene Nemeth said...

Hi Kim,
I agree with Amy, a Mom who questions her ability is a great Mom.

I think it's because you are always striving to do better and learn more about parenting instead of just doing by instinct.

I constantly doubted myself as a Mom when my girls were growing up - thought I was the worst Mom in the world. Actually even now that they are Moms too, I am still doubt myself. I am doing the right thing - is that the best advice I can give or have I failed them again.

Now that I am raising one of my granddaughters, I think, I am not doing too bad. At four years old, she is a wonderful person. She is polite, kind, sensitive, confident and so smart. She's also too cute.

When you doubt your parenting ability, look at your children. You must be doing something right. :)

Oh, and count your blessings.

Bye for now,

Yankee Burrow Creations said...

I seem to be a forever youngest (birth) son turns 30 this year, and our adopted daughter just turned 12. we have tons of grand kids and great grand kids, and the thing that keeps me going, is when my grown kids tell me that I was a great mom....even when I felt I wasn't. they don't remember the days I was freaky crazy mad, but they do remember the days we all were freaky crazy fun.

Melissa at said...

Awwww. Big hugs! I'm not a parent yet but I do remember being a teenager and my mom feeling like she wanted to give up. And now we're so close. I think the fact that you're thinking about all of these things (and turning to such great quotes) shows exactly how wonderful a mother you are.

Handmade Cuties said...

Thanks for sharing your thoughts and these wonderful, encouraging words. There have been many times that I've doubted myself as a parent and I still do. But, when I see the good in my kids, I have hope that I'm doing the right things...sometimes :) Hang in there.

Denysia Yu said...

I love the last quote. I'm not a mom yet, but I think this post will inspire a lot of moms. :)

xx Denysia Yu

holly via said...

I am so with you on this Kim! My three year old is at the rebellious stage where he wants to fight and fuss over everything somedays, and I'm left wondering if I'm just doing a terrible job... then I calm down, remember that he's three, and try to not to be too hard on myself.

Hope whatever parenting problems you are having pass over.

(As a side note, I appreciate seeing an honest post about parenting! I see all these blogs with pictures of perfect family moments and fluff and feel like I'm the only one who struggles with being a mom sometimes.)

2justByou said...

Thanks so much for all of your thoughtful comments. I really appreciate it. I can't tell you how much better you all made me feel.
Thanks. Really.

Andreea Statache said...

Well, I am not a mother so I can't know how you feel. But I can tell you how I feel from a child's perspective. My mom was the only one that raised me. With the help of my uncle and my grandma and my grandpa. But my dad was out of the picture. Sure, there were days when I felt angry at my mom for all sorts of things. There were moments when she was disappointed in me but does that make me a bad daughter or her a bad mother? No. It's just part of the life. And as long as you do your best each and every day to make sure your loved ones are happy, healthy and fine in general, you are amazing. As a person. As a mother.

Have a nice day!

Noor Unnahar said...

Oh , it just makes me think about my mother . Sometimes , it's true that the children behave awkwardly towards parents and just don't realize that parents would have thought something better . I am sure you're an awesome mom . And ofcourse it's your right to think about this stuff .
But I know you're an amazing person so you'll be fine :)
Noor @ Noor's Place

mail4rosey said...

You don't have blogger's block anymore, this is great. :)

Tara Newman said...

Stopping over from SITS. Great quotes. Thanks for sharing.

misssrobin said...

I remember when I heard Elder Ballard say that joy comes in moments. It was life changing for me. Great choices.

I hope today is an easy parenting day for you. And that you get some chocolate today, because that makes every day a little better.

Bev Feldman said...

I'm about to become a mom (any day now!), and I have been mentally preparing myself for all the joys and challenges that come along with motherhood. I am sure I can't even fully fathom what it will actually be like, but I take comfort in the fact going into parenthood knowing that everyone finds it challenging and everyone at some point (or multiple points!) feels like they aren't doing a good job. For me, I know having a supportive community that I can turn to will be key to getting through those rough patches.

Nicole Nenninger said...

I love how you've included Pinterest quotes in here--great post! I think one of the best lessons you can give your child is to teach them that you're not perfect and that you can apologize after making a "mistake" (there are no mistakes, only learning opportunities). They see their major role model being imperfect and this gives them permission to make mistakes and learn from them too.

Kendra Larios-Mendez said...

As many have said, Parenting is the most difficult thing in the world to do but has the most rewards. The fact that you took the time to look for words to help you get through some frustrations proves that you are in deed a great mom. Hope you have a very Happy SITS Day!

Michelle Nahom said...

Parenting is the best but the toughest job in the world. Great quotes! I think we all need to hear these once in a while and take a little time to reflect. I hope you have a wonderful SITS day!

Sheila Skillingstead said...

As a mother of three grown daughters your quotes made me feel a bit guilty until I read the ones that made me forgive myself. Being perfect isn't possible but as long as you love, you will make it. Enjoy your SITS Day.

Ugochi said...

All these quotes couldn't have said it any better. It won't be easy but sure would be worth it, this does drive me to take it one step at a time.
Thanks for sharing and congratulations on your feature day on SITS.

another jennifer said...

Parenting is definitely worth all the struggles and second-guessing. At the end of the day, you love your kids and they love you. Doesn't get any better.

Marianne said...

I just love this post, I have been feeling this way a lot lately. I am a horrible mother, I get mad at my son and I get so down when it "appears" he doesn't like me back. So dumb!

I am stopping these thoughts now, I appreciate your candor and the quotes. You're a great mother JUST because you're aware of these things!

Khloé Belle Gadson said...

So sweet!
I love all of these quotes.
When I see my baby boy smiling at me and hugging me, I forget about everything that has gone wrong...

Love my children!!

Happy Sits DAY!!

Keep it Touched,

Alecia said...

Love this post. I think as Mother's we often forget sometimes that we are human. We have feelings, we have self doubts, we get angry, and we need to forgive ourselves. I love all the quotes that you shared - helps us to pick up and move on with the day.

Happy SITS Day!

Rabia Lieber said...

On the hard days I remind myself that we all have hard days. It's just a part of life and this too shall pass. Sometimes an early bedtime helps too!

itstidytime said...

I am very much with Alecia on this one! I have my ups & downs, but you do your best at the time. Knowing that others are in the same boat is a great sigh of relief. Thanks for sharing. :) -Erin from "It's Tidy Time"

Jean L said...

Right now I'm being hated by one of my children. He's 19, thinks he knows it all, and views me as the enemy. It sucks.
Oh well, happy SITS day.

Jaime Rubio said...

I think we all go through these issues as a parent. I know I am currently going through a stressful time with my son. Many times I feel like a loser, in terms of my parenting. Reading blog postings like this makes me feel so much better. I know I'm not the only one:)

Mocadeaux said...

Happy SITS Day! So many wonderful quotes here. I especially love the one about letting your children know that you love them. Parenthood is not easy but our children are our biggest responsibility. My kids are 28 and 31 years old and I still make sure they know I love them and always will.